Be Careful out there ! - Epic MTB Forum Archive

02 Oct 2011, 19:39

If you are walking around up in the mountains, watch out, somebody is putting branches across perfectly good walking/cycling/ running/ walking your dog/ birdwatching /nature rambling trails.
You could trip up and stab yourself in the eye or worse , fall down ,have a big rock land on your head as you got stabbed in the eye, one of the homeless people who have been living on 3 rock could then rob you of your clothes. Then left naked and bleeding , a big tree munching machine could come along , a big log destined for Murphys chipboard factory could fall on your legs crushing them.
So then naked, bleeding, crawling along a dog not on a lead could come along and bite your genitals right off !!
so lying on the ground, naked, bleeding from a massive wound in your gooch, crushed legs and all, you better hope a Mountainbiker comes along because most of them know first aid and they can get quickly to civilization and get you help all because some complete monster, worse than the unholy offspring of Dana and Gaye Mitchell decided it would be really great to block trails that anybody could be using !
So be very careful because not everybody is as concientious as us with our third party liability cover, our understanding of the Wilderness code, with our Governing body and our friends in MBI..
A concerned citizen

02 Oct 2011, 20:23

that's very funny - but - much like Spinal Tap, real life events can be even as bizarre
I've had an 80ft tree try to kill me while I was trying to enhance the forest for my fellow offroadian friends
I've seen dogs try to take lads legs off with a big munch while the owners say it's our fault for startling the poxy animal, startle him with a prime lump of granite in the head next time
I've seen all manner of evil and retarded attempts to throw us off our bikes and maim and injure us - they use logs, bricks, boulders and the very best ideas in their feeble minds and still fail miserably, surely National Cop-On day is coming soon?
I've heard a lad say that the bye-laws banning us from our right to freedom were "not actually supposed to have been out on the signs all over the country" but still, the text 'magically' appeared and is being used against us like Agent Orange
I've had lads who've never ridden a bike telling me they'd build a better trail than me and fail miserably
I've seen a lad scribble in a book on trail design and call it "a technical MTB trail" while it actually looked more like a drunken spider fell into an ink well and staggered across the page
I've had a lad tell me the trails myself and my friends have built are unsustainable and not up to spec yet many years and thousands of riders later, we're still enjoying them and shunning the bumpy narrow fireroad efforts
I've seen horrible big gouges cut through heather and bog by "the man's" diggers who in turn try to tell me that I'm destroying natural habitats by riding in a straight and narrow line across the hills

So - tell me this, when does all the stupid sh!t stop and commonsense prevail? because I'm getting fed-up and angry waiting and biting my tongue