Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica � where do they go?
Wonder no more ! ! !
It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life. The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintain a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.
If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into, and buried.
The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:
"Freeze a jolly good fellow."
"Freeze a jolly good fellow."
Here's one for you Smithers (and no penguins were harmed making this)...
An outback Aussie goes in to a bar with a crocodile. He announces to the gather drinkers that he is going to place his manhood in the crocodiles mouth for one minute and then remove it unscathed. Immediately pandemonium breaks out in the bar as everyone starts betting with each other as to whether heâll have his knob bitten off. After about 10 minutes when all the bets are taken, he drops his trousers, opens the crocodileâs mouth, inserts his lad, closes the crocâs mouth gently and starts counting backwards from 60. The tension in the bar is extraordinary, no one moves a muscle for fear of what they might have to witness. As the count gets to ten, beads of sweat are running down on the Aussieâs face. Three, two, one... the Aussie grabs a beer bottle and whacks the croc over the head, the croc opens his mouth and the man removes his tackle unscathed. Once again the bar erupts as the locals settle their bets. Then the Aussie shouts that he is prepared to give anyone $100 if theyâll give it a go. The bar goes quiet again as all the locals look at each other but no one volunteers. After about a minute, the blonde bar girl who has been watching the proceedings with interest says âIâll have a go but on one condition, donât whack me so hard with the beer bottleâ.
An Eskimo bate'n along on his skiddoo, breaks down and left stranded on the antarctic landscape... another Eskimo eventually passes in a snowcat and stops to offer assisance... after close inspection, the assisting Eskimo says "looks like you'v blown a seal" to which the stranded Eskimo replies "no, it's just the frost on my mustache".
Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my Dad, or my older Brother Colin, or my younger Brother Ho-Cha-Chu?